Moving forward

This has been a very long week. I'm trying to start research for a term paper for my European Media Systems class (yes, I'm taking a Communications class with absolutely no idea what I'm doing). I think it would be interesting to write about Switzerland because they have 4 official languages, or 5 if you count English, but I can't decide what aspect to focus on. Radio? Television? Telecommunications? What does it mean? Haha. I'm a little bit out of my element here.

This week has mostly been long due to the repercussions of Miles' demise. I saw an old picture of Miles that a friend of mine out here has. This picture was taken around June of 2002, I think. He was such a cute kid. He looked so typical like all of us. Even though I wasn't as close to him during that past year or two as I was while Jeremy was still in Denver, I can't help but feel like a poor friend to him. I don't think he had many close friends at the time I met him, in fact, I don't recall him mentioning anyone in particular, and we often connected when I went out to Denver to visit or when he visited Seattle occasionally. It was on his first trip out to visit us in Seattle that he met my friend Emily and began their tumultuous relationship. The four of us spent much time together during the months that followed. I talked to Miles often and Jeremy and I were a steady part of his life. I think he considered us to be the closest friends he had. After Emily and I graduated from high school and she left for college, things changed for all of us and life got busy. Jeremy moved out to Seattle the next year and we saw and talked to Miles less and less. Having lost contact with Emily during college, Miles also posed as a painful reminder of my close friendship that was no more.

I'm not trying to beat myself up over this. I just failed to stop and consider how Miles' social network deteriorated during this time as well. After his break up with Emily, Miles' behavior grew worse and worse. I just wish I could have made time to talk to my friend more. I wish I could have offered more of a supportive ear. I'm really going to miss Miles much more than I anticipated under the circumstances of our distanced friendship.

On another note, Halloween went as fast as it came. It was fun but I wasn't really into it. We went to 2 parties, more out of feelings of obligation than an actual desire to be social on my part. It took the few days between to really break through the haze surrounding my head but I think I'm done grieving until I go back to Denver and can grieve with friends.